i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
