Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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