I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
