Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
