I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
