I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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