My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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