your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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