so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
