I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
