She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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