Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
