haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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