Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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