Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
