imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
