I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize