Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
