So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
