4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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