I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize