Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
