I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
