I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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