Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
