her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
