I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
