im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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