Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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