He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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