forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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