I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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