He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
