Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
