from now on my penis is your penis
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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