Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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