this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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