you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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