I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
