whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Screwed.edu
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize