Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
