WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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