I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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