Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
