Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize