You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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