She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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