Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
