i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
