I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
