I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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