all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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