I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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