I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
