I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
