i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
