life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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