Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
