bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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