I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
