Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He passed out mid-signature
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize