I will die if light touches me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
