So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
