so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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