I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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