I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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