her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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