Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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