I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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