do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
