A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize