i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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