I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
