It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
