I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
