Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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