we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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