things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
