Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
