You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
