maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
