i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
