Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize