is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
