Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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