that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
