some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
