who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
