she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
