Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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