you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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