the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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