i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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