Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
