There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
