Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
