I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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