3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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