I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
