we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
