It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
