Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
