OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You were trust falling into bushes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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